www.armenian.ch www.armenian.ch
All Good-Willed Armenians


Humour by Armenian
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    www.armenian.ch Forum Index -> Humour
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Questions to Armenian Radio:

- Why Armenians do not fly to Universe?
- Because if Armenians fly to Universe, all Armenians will die because of pride, and all Georgians - because of envy... but we certainly do not want to leave all the Caucasus to this tedious Azeris!!

- What one should do during "First Night of Marriage", for not dirty the bed?
- Wash the feet...



Russian girl in Armenian village is looking for a home to sleep at night. The door are opening 10 Armenians:
- You can sleep at our home, but we need to ask you a riddle. If you know the right answer, then it's okey, if not - you need to sleep with all of us! The question is very simple: What is it - small, red hanging on the tree?
The girl is agree.....
Morning: 9 Armenians are lying on the floor in "half-death" situation, one is on his knees in front of a girl:
- Girl jan, PLEASE, SAY CHERRYYY
- You are Armenian and you need to keep your word... the answer is CUCUMBER...


The Georgian is standing and holding a boomerang.
Second Georgian:
- What is it?
- I don't know..
- Why for is it?
- I don't know..
- So throw it away!
- Throw it away yourself!!


Georgian is in the hall of Airport and wait for his plane.
He enters the Game Zone and see new Play-Automat. There is written on it "I shall say your nationality, age and with which plane you are going to fly..".
Georgian throws the coin.
Automat:
- Georgian, 27 years old, will leave with the plane No. 700!
Georgian is surprised. He exited the zone changed the wears into blonde woman and returns.. throws the coin.
Automat:
- Georgian, 27 years old, will leave with the plane No. 700!
Georgian is crazy. He exited the zone, thinks a little and changes the clothes into very old man, that is very hard to recognise. He comes back and throw the coin.
Automat:
- Georgian, 27 years old, if hadn't done the stupid things don't miss the plane No. 700!


Armenian is walking in Moscow. A man comes to him and says:
- Please, if it is not so hard for yourself, wouldn't you be so kind to advice me how can I go to the Small Theater.
Armenian is thinking a little bit:
- Look you asked so gentle, so gentle, that I can't not to allow you to go how you like more!
_________________
ՄԱՀՆ ԻՄԱՑԵԱԼ ԱՆՄԱՀՈՒԹՅՈՒՆ Է
*ԵՂԻՇԵ, V-ՐԴ ԴԱՐ
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Hasmik



Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 82
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 10:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

The Lost Dr. Suess Poem

I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location,
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And piles of paper that grow each day!

I think my job is really swell,
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I'll say it again -
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!



Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and
jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In
addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate



Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command:
"C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should
automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very
bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8. Whatever you do: DO NOT
install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not
supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

- Why Armenians have such a big nose?
- ..Because of the air is FREE in charge..... !
Laughing
_________________
ՄԱՀՆ ԻՄԱՑԵԱԼ ԱՆՄԱՀՈՒԹՅՈՒՆ Է
*ԵՂԻՇԵ, V-ՐԴ ԴԱՐ
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

German
I'm going:
Arrow to office - by BMW,
Arrow to shop - by Mercedes
Arrow to other countries of Europe - by Wolkswagen!


French
I'm going
Arrow to office - by Renault,
Arrow to shop - by Peugeot,
Arrow to other countries of Europe - by Nissan!


Russian
I'm going:
Arrow to office - by tram,
Arrow to shop - by trolley-bus,
Arrow to other countries of Europe - .......by Tank!!
_________________
ՄԱՀՆ ԻՄԱՑԵԱԼ ԱՆՄԱՀՈՒԹՅՈՒՆ Է
*ԵՂԻՇԵ, V-ՐԴ ԴԱՐ
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

German in London's Pub.
German - Martini bitte!
Barman - Dry?
German - Nein, zwei.
Barman - Nine?!


English has lover and wife. Loves wife.
French has lover and wife. Loves lover.
Jewish has lover and wife. Loves mother.
Russian has lover and wife. Loves to drink.


English businessman is dictating a letter to his secretary:
- Dear Sir! Because of my secretary is woman I can't dictate her what I really think about yourself. More - because of I am a gentleman I am not supposed to think about yourself like this. But as far as you are not neither woman, nor gentleman, I hope that you understood me right!
_________________
ՄԱՀՆ ԻՄԱՑԵԱԼ ԱՆՄԱՀՈՒԹՅՈՒՆ Է
*ԵՂԻՇԵ, V-ՐԴ ԴԱՐ
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Listen! Do you see that tree? Can I take a picture- implied a Georgian guy to a photographer! Of course you can! Where exactly do you want to stand? Underneath, next to or on the tree? - Asked photographer! Georgian replies: "NO! I want to take a picture behind the tree! And send that photo to my mother, so when she sees the picture she won't see me on it and she will be wondering where am I and then I will jump out of the tree and surprise her!


A Georgian brought his son to the sea, because his son has never seen an ocean before. So, they are standing on the seacoast talking. See, my son, this is a sea! Where is it? - Asked the little boy! Right in front of you, my son! -Replies the father. Where is it? I can't see? - Implies the little boy. Here, here it is (pointing right in front of himself) Where? Here, here, here! (the father grabs his boy and wets him with the water) Hey daddy! What was it? It was the sea! - Where?


One Soviet comrade was driving through a mountainous road! A Georgian military policeman stops him and says: -Hey, you were driving fast, I need you to write a self-explanatory note! The Soviet replies-what do you mean by the note? Georgian replies: Well you have to write a note and in Georgian language! The Soviet surprisingly looks at the policeman and says: I do not know Georgian language, for I cannot write that note! Policeman insisted: Well write the way you know then! The Soviet thought for a moment and then took out a dollar bill and put it in his driver's license and gave it to the policeman! When a Georgian policeman opened the documents, he smiled and happily replied: And you were saying that you don't know Georgian! You have already written half of your explanatory note!


On a train trip, a certain mother explains her son, how little kids are created. Well, says mother, first you take a piece of clay, then you make the shape of a baby and then if you put that clay statue in the milk, you will get a boy and if you put that in water, a little girl will be born! A Georgian guy, overhearing the story, with a great shock asks the lady: What are you saying? Do you mean the old way of making kids has been canceled!?!?!?!


During archeological findings near Yerevan, the capital of Armenia, an old metal dish was found that had writing on it indicating how old that dish was. The writing read "Yerevan, 10th century BCE (before the Christ). " Armenians start to celebrate this event, for this piece of archeology indicated that Yerevan proved to be an oldest historical capital. Proud Georgians, located next door to Armenia, decided to take a piece of metallic dish and before burying it deep in the soil, wrote "Tbilisi 11th century BCE". And one-month later archeologists discovered the dish! Tbilisi is celebrating to be the oldest capital in Caucasus, even older than the Armenian capital! Armenia in turn requested an expertise from the Europe by sending both dishes to there in order to prove in fact who holds the honor to be the oldest capital! After couple of months, an answer was sent back: On the dish that was found in Armenia it says Yerevan, 10th century BCE, and on the dish that was found in Georgia says Tbilisi, 11th century BCE, and on the other side of that dish there also a writing: "Aluminum Factory of Yerevan!"


A little boy runs up to a man in Tbilisi and passes him a verbal message: Dear Uncle, your friend Vano told me to tell you that you should call him on his cell phone! - Thank you my dear pager!!!


A Georgian man's wife is having a baby at the hospital. All happy and excited the husband asks a nurse: Well, is my wives labor over? -Yes-implies the nurse-Is it a boy? -Asks the Georgian-No-say the nurse-Then what the hell is it?
_________________
ՄԱՀՆ ԻՄԱՑԵԱԼ ԱՆՄԱՀՈՒԹՅՈՒՆ Է
*ԵՂԻՇԵ, V-ՐԴ ԴԱՐ
 
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Andy



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 1371
Location: Zürich

 PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Hey Friends, es ist wichtig, bei der Arbeit immer 100% zu geben!

12% am Montag,
23% am Dienstag,
40% am Mittwoch,
20% am Donnerstag,
5% am Freitag.


In dem Sinne, einen guten Start in die neue Woche... (heute sind ja nur 12% angesagt. Und wer es heute bereits auf 17% bringt, hat am Freitag wiedermal frei Wink )
 
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    www.armenian.ch Forum Index -> Humour All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Page 7 of 7

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum