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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 1:39 am    Post subject: Humour by Armenian Reply with quote Back to top

Hello,

I thought - why we don't speak about Humour? I think all the world knows Armenian Humour. At least - all the former soviet union knew Armenian Radio, for example, where you have to go down from chair laughing on jokes untill it finish. All know about the game KVN (the Club of Cheerfuls & Resourcefuls), and Champions for the long years - commands from Armenia. Only looking on their faces already was bringing the smiles on the faces of many people looking their games. Many Armenian satirics, etcetera.

Command "YerMI" during games (students from YMI = Yerevan Medical Institut - now University) (Chempion of all commands from former Soviet for 3 or 4 times, I don't remember exactly, in early 90-s):









Command "Novye Armyane" during games (New Armenians - students from different institutions) (Chempion of all commands from former Soviet for 2 times, in late 90-s, early 2000-s):










And, at least, there should be many funny stories hapened with us during daily lifes. What do you think about telling them here? Can be very laughable to read them Wink .

Thank You


A R A Y J M
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Last edited by Hrant on Sat Jan 24, 2004 2:57 am; edited 2 times in total
 
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 2:43 am    Post subject: Ishkhan Reply with quote Back to top

I decided to tell the first funny story here, one from many stories which happened to me.

Prepoint for my story:
There was a moment last times (I am not sure for now) by Armenian TV you could all the time see the reclam for the company which were making fishes and was bringing it to your homes. The main product was, of course, famous Ishkhan (I don't remeber in English) from Sevan - in different kinds of cookies. And the telefon was every time on the ecran, and funny voice was all the time crying this number - 564-564. This is easy number and everybody can remember it, if have no problems. And the end of one of the tipes of reclam, my favorite, was like this - after cartoon, somebody is calling to the company, an answer is:
- 564-564!
- Ishkhan, please.
- No problems.
........in half an hour
- 564-564!
- Thank you, it was really tasty...

And the big rows of anicdots began in Yerevan. You know - Armenians are not making the anicdots perhaps only about Genocide. except this - nothing in the world can happen without the fact that next day you can hear the anicdots on the streets of Yerevan about that. So one of anicdots - somebody is calling, offering a shark, and in half an hour shark is calling and saying - "Thank you, it was really tasty...". So, this number knows almost everybody in Armenia, who wasn't somewhere in mountains, for example.

The next prepoint for my story:
It is very hard in Yerevan to find out an easy cards for your mobile phone. The governmental prise for that is something like 30$, but you are able to buy it only from hands with something like 150$, even there was a time when it was 300$+. Unbelieveable, but fact. And you could see everywhere the guys who were looking the sellors of cards, which they don't need anymore.

So - my story...
Once - somewhere in our Academy, we, with guys were sitting in Buffet and doing nothing. On the next table of us there was a normal conversation about who knows the guy who is selling the cards. I tried to see who is an asker (of course it can seems to one the third that almost everybody knows to each other in Yerevan, and our Academy isn't an exception though of something like 12.000+ students). It was Ashot - in course of one year younger then we. In 10 minutes, I gave with eye to my friends and with loud voice announsed - who is looking for an easy card? In a moment, of course, Ashot was already sitting at our table and asking about the guy who is selling it. At first he couldn't believe, because of I said that this guy, who is one of my friends, is selling it with 60$. but, afterwards I said that he has found it out, so if Ashot doesn't want - it isn't problem. Of course he began to ask me much to say to him where from can he found out this guy - as soon as it is possible!
I began to "remember" his home number and Ashot was already ready to write it in his notebook..... I began........
- I'm not sure, but .... 56.......45.......64...
- what is his name?
- Ishkhan (you know - it is one of Armenian names that are useable very much by Armenians) ......but there is one problem...
- what has happened?
- it is the number of his work place..
- ...and so?
- ...and so - there are two Ishkhans, so if the taker of the phone will ask you about which Ishkhan do you want - you should say - Dzuk@ (Fish)... it is his nickname (you know - almost everybody has his nickname in Armenia, by which, perhaps many recognise him more, then by the real name...).
Ashot was writing everything with great attention in his notebook for not forgetting.
- OK, Greeeat thank you, I ought to hurry untill he hadn't sold it..
...
We, with guys, who already understood what is going on, could hardly keep ourselves from exploding with the laugh, which happened after he run out to call.

It is already another story how he called to the service, which told me Artur - the friend of his and mine, from who's house he called. The fact is that
Ashot was looking for me in Academy during 1 month after this conversation. Wink

I'm waiting for your stories.

Thank you.


A R A Y J M
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HyeScorpio



Joined: 16 Jan 2004
Posts: 212
Location: here and there...mostly there

 PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 3:02 pm    Post subject: lost in translation? Reply with quote Back to top

hello everybody ,

i just wanted to clearify some words for you from Hrant's English to International English, so you can understand a bit more from what he was trying to say.

KVN - its a Comedy Show/Game on Russian TV. There is nothing similar outside Sovet Union. It was founded in 50s or 60s. something similar are Comedi Shows. LIke one guy is telling funny stories to the public. So KVN is about 10 guys and girls telling funny stories , acting, joking and so on. And its like a Games , every country is represented by one or two teams, and it is like competition which team is more funnier , artistic, whoes humore is better, and so on. And at the end of the year there are finals and they deside who is the Chempion.
Interesting situation was in 94 or 95, when in the finals where 2 teams: Armenians and Azeris. And they had to fight each other but the weapon was humor. As far as i remember the russian oranizers of the finals
just canceled that game.
As Hrant said Armenians were quite good in that KVN, and everybody liked armenian humor.

and explaination of couple words from Hrant's English Dictionary:

reclam : advertisment , commersials on TV.

ecran : screen , (TV screen)

anicdots : funny stories

sellor : seller , person who sells something

buffet : i guess in german is also Buffet, (something like coffeteria)

sitting with friends and doing nothing : tipical armenian guys accupation, means talking about nothing , discussing about nothing = waisting time Smile

gave with eye : (arm: ajkov tvetsi ) the process is the following. when you want to give a sign to your friend, and you dont want anybody around to notice that, you look directly into your friend's eye with your right eye, and at the same time you slowly close your left eye.

name is useable very much: in this contects, name is common or popular

taker of the phone: the person who picked up the telephone

thats all i could notice , if you find some other words or exprations that you dont understand the meaning , please ask Very Happy

Hrant , lav asetsi? Very Happy

take care
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:31 am    Post subject: Spasibochki Reply with quote Back to top

Barev Levon jan,

Very Happy Thank you for your additional notes about what I had written Laughing
Just I didn't want to borrow everybody telling many different things at the same time.
Thank you also for finding out this words in my text that I hadn't noticed during fast writing Wink

I just wanted to add to what you said another point about the KVN game between two commands - "Parni iz Baku" (The guys from Baku) and "ErMI". The game about which you were speaking was the final game of 1992. In the final game in Russia met two commands - representatives of two countries war between which ones was at the pic of warmness. The hall where should be the game was full of public - Armenians and Azerbaijanians, and full of Russian policemen. Everybody was understanding that win of each command could bring to a big scandal, fight in the hall and qaos after the game. So, before of the beginning of the game the clever president of KVN - Aleksander Maslyakov, with the juri, decided and announced to the audience that the juri would not work on that very day. The game will continue, but juri will not give a marks and show them after each part of presentation (as usual). And by the end - the year will be an exception and there will be two Chempions for the 92's fest. It was the best decision, that they could make. So, the public was well minded by this decision, but everybody from the juri and most part of public (in hall and near of TV, because of each game is translating to all countries of former Soviet Union and by satelitt by Russian first Channel - ORT) realised that the team from Yerevan was much more higher with the humour then the team from Baku which came to final just because of the "enemy" team of their was weak enough.

This was only year when the command from Baku could come to the pick of the game, but the command / commands from Yerevan (and the same "ErMI") came to the Chempion and PreChempion for many other years - before and after 1992. Wink

Thank You.


A R A Y J M
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:22 pm    Post subject: auuu Reply with quote Back to top

Why isn't anybody telling some stories?
.....Jenny in this cold winter your funny stories could warm the hearts Very Happy
Tamar hadn't you any funny stories from different places of the world? As far as I gues - you have been in many places.
Anna - tell something from England by Lebanese spyses Very Happy
Levon ara de lav eli, gone du mi ban patmi Laughing
Hey guys, shall I ask for everybody personally? Very Happy
Or you don't want to tell something or you don't have this stories (I don't believe that you don't have them Laughing ).
Looking forward for your stories Very Happy


A R A Y J M
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iminhokis
Wizards


Joined: 25 Oct 2003
Posts: 3321

 PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Sarkisoff, das ist doch dein Thema Wink na los, witzige Geschichten erzählen
 
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iminhokis
Wizards


Joined: 25 Oct 2003
Posts: 3321

 PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Types of Armenians
YOU'RE HYASTANCI IF...

- IF your rims cost more than your house
- If you wear Lofers
- If your welfare check is bigger than your car payments
- If You wear 4 or 5 stripe adidas or Badidas
- If you have one eyebrow
- If you think you're in some Armenian Mafia
- If you think everyone's name is "Ara"
- If your armpits smell like basterma
- if your beamer's liscense plate says Davo em apeh
- If you have an illegal cell phone from North Hollywood
- If what you're reading is on a stolen/bought or at good guys computer
- If you playa hate Beirutsis and Barskahyes



YOU'RE BARSKAHYE IF...
- if you have a special way of pronouncing R when speaking Armenian
- if your last name ends w/ "IAN"
- if you go to Shiraz regularly
- if your name or your cousin's is ARTIN or ARBI or NARBEH
- If your favirote word is "HEIR" (meaning why)
- If you CALL what you do Break Dancing
- If you pluck your eyebrows or shave your legs
- If you go to Ararat parties and call them Raves
- if you wear blue contacts
- if you go "bareeeeeeeeeeev, mamen baben inchbeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?"



YOU'RE BEIRUTSI IF...
- You go to Teen Dances every week
- You're in AYF
- if you always go "yallah"
- if you think that you're the best in everything
- if your name is panos, sako, george, puzant, garo, rita, sevag, jirayr, anto...or anything else as of that.
- if every sentence you say, you end with "AGA, SHAKHS, or LAN"
- YOU Become a mechanic in the future after being in law school
- if you have a computer just for Solitaire
- if you have more oil in your hair than you have in your car
- if you won't date a guy without a car or money
- if you're very very very tight with money $
- if your parents want you home before 6am
- if your parents are DEGENERATE gamblers
- if you call your Peachfuzz A Goatee
- if your dad owns a Panose's Bakery, haha
- If you work at Gap, Millers Outpost, or some "cool" store
- if you buy your clothes from abercrombie or you know , that kinda stuff
- if you have an ararad masis picture in your TV room
- if you have one of those William Saroyan posters
- if your dad thinks "oghi for life"
- if you have "dolma" on a weekly basis
- if you like giving only GOLD stuff as gifts


http://www.armenianteens.com/jokes/types_of_armenians.php
 
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iminhokis
Wizards


Joined: 25 Oct 2003
Posts: 3321

 PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

You might be Armenian if ...


You think that the Armenians invented everything.

You can pronounce "gh" and "kh" and are proud of it.

You believe that the most important people in history must have Armenian blood in them.

At meetings, you MUST state your opinion, even if it is EXACTLY the same as someone else's who just spoke.

You were overjoyed when you learned that Principal Skinner was Armenian.

You are over 30, male, and still living at home.

Your sweat smells like garlic or basterma.

Your make up rhyming words that start with the letter "M" like"oosh, moosh" or "duhkegh, muhkegh."

You know the meaning of "shesh besh."

Someone in your family sells carpets or jewllery.

Your father is an import-export contractor, or you don't know what he does.
 
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Hasmik
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 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Hello zusammen!!
das ist keine armenische witze, aber..:)anyway joks!!

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.
- How is she now ?
- She's fine. But, the dog died.

Brezhnev rebukes his speech-writer:
- I asked you for a 15 min speech, but you made it 1 hour.
- No, sir, it was written exactly for 15 min - you just read all four copies.


Brezhnev asks Kosigin:
- How many Jews live in our country?
- Approximately 3-4 million.
- And how many would leave if we let them go?
- About 10-15 million...
 
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

The voice of Yerevanian cats:
- myaaaauuu ape-ape


- What do you think - how should be "mouse" in Armenian,
- I don't know exactly, but perhaps... "mouse-ara".


Lesson in secondary school in Russia. Question to class:
- Who was by nationality D'Artanyan?
Everybody is rising the hand, except little Vazgen..
- Vazgen! Hadn't you read Dyuma?
- I read, and watched the film also!
- And why don't you want to answer?
- It's shame Mariya Ivanovna, because D'Artanyan was Armenian, but ...BAD Armenian!
- ???
- Which Good Armenian will sing over the world "Merci, Baku!"?


Armenian went to Cuba and entered the restaurant for eating. Soon he noticed that when waiter wants to receive money from cubinians, they stroke their face and whisper "Agent Castro!", and waiter isn't taking anything from them.
When waiter come to Armenian he had also stroken his face and whispered "Agent Castro!"...
- And where is your beard? - surprised waiter.
Armenian thiught, opened the shirt and showing hairy breast, whispered "Secret Agent!!!".


In Yerevan one azerbaijanian decided to drink a gaseous water, came to special automat, puted the coin, and instead of water one big fist is coming out and beating to his nose... azerbaijanian is amazed... he is putting the second coin, the same fist is coming out and beating to his nose stronger... he is asking to one Armenian who was walking around, to put a coin instead of him, Armenian is putting it, fist is coming out, showing "go away" and beating to the nose of azerbaijanian...


One Armenian had been asked:
- What means the expression "Where is jewish, there Armenian has nothing to do"?
- Very ununderstandable expression... But describe the expression "Where is Armenian, there jewish has nothing to do" is very simple!


During the exhibition in Paris Armenian Cogniac (Brendy) with 3 stars won 1-st place, but Cogniac with 5 stars hadn't received anything.
- Why it was like this? - question to Armenian wine-makers.
- We are also surprised very much... We were fulling the bottles from the same tuns!


In Armenian theater is going on the performance of "Red Hat" (by Rusiian story):
- Grandmother jan why you have such a big eyes?
- For seeing you better!
- Grandmother jan why you have such a big ears?
- For listening you better!
- Grandmother jan why you have such a big nose?
- Vaaaaakh, ara, look on yourself!!!
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 6:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Question to Armenian Radio:
- Why american singer Steve Wonder is always smiling?
Answer:
- He hadn't been told yet that he is negro.


Q. to Arm. Rad.:
- What is the difference between prostitute and top-model?
Answer:
- Prostitute has no 600 Mercedes.


Question:
- What is the longest at Schwarzeneger, the shortest at Bruce Lee, Pope of Rome has it but isn't using, and Madonna hasn't it at all?
- Surname! Laughing
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Moscow... Kreml.... Snowing very very hard! One african is standing at the castle of Kreml and freezing... Car is coming with high speed, windows are opened, noise Armenian music is coming out, stoping at the guy. african is looking inside - the car is overcrowded with black-glasses Armenians... One is saying:
- Hey, brother, let you sit, we'll help you to get to home.
African is in histery:
- No, no, please, go away, I am not trusting to black people !!!
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Q. to Arm.Rad.:
- Can one kill his mother in law with towel?
- ...Can. if ther is an iron in it!


Q. to Arm. Rad.:
- Can woman make man a millioner?
- Yes, if he was a billioner!


- What is business by Russian?
- It is - to steal a box of Vodka, sell it and drink by the money you got!


- Can one gulp down the ball-bearings?
- Can but better - not to do it, for not broken the toilet!
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Hasmik
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 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......" Smile

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the Beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you."
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
 
Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Q. to Arm.Rad.:
- What can one took from nude woman?
- Nude man!
- What can one took from nude man?
- Nude georgian!
- What can one took from nude georgian?
- 2,5kg of hairs!
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