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Hasmik



Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 82
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 10:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Cow Management...

LIBERAL
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your
congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs
to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for
the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't
attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4
cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care
about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help
them at all.

CONSERVATIVE
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also
demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have four cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have eight cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have
one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary
Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the
children". Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times
quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A.
Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

Smile



Speaking of feeling old... Smile

The 30 Year Difference

1973: Long hair
2003: Longing for hair

1973: The perfect high
2003: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1973: KEG (I'd be grateful if somebody explained to me what this is.)
2003: EKG

1973: Acid rock
2003: Acid reflux

1973: Moving to California because it's cool
2003: Moving to California because it's warm

1973: Growing pot
2003: Growing pot belly

1973: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2003: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1973: Seeds and stems
2003: Roughage

1973: Killer weed
2003: Weed killer

1973: Hoping for a BMW
2003: Hoping for a BM

1973: The Grateful Dead
2003: Dr. Kevorkian

1973: Going to a new, hip joint
2003: Receiving a new hip joint

1973: Rolling Stones
2003: Kidney Stones

1973: Being called into the principal's office
2003: Calling the principal's office

1973: Screw the system
2003: Upgrade the system

1973: Disco
2003: Costco

1973: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2003: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1973: Passing the drivers' test
2003: Passing the vision test

1973: Whatever
2003: Depends
 
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Aparanian is learning that it is the End of World. He takes his family and run to Russia.


In public transportation one woman is "giving" a milk to her child. Child is crying. Next to them is sitting an intelligent weared man. Women afraids to a child:
- If you don't eat, I'll give it to an uncle!
and so several times.
after some time, man:
- Dear Missis decide it soon, I'm passing already 3-rd station...


Aparanian is going to possible emloyer. Employer:
- How many languages do you know?
- 6 - Armenian, Russian, English, German, Spanish, French !
- What will be in Spanish "Hello"?
- Gamar joba !
- ??? "Gamar joba" is in Georgian...
- Ohhh!!! Then I know 7 languages !!!!!!!


Question to Aparanian:
- Can you say something near to one's mind?
- Ear !


Phone call to Hunters Club:
- The bear climbed up to our tree, let you come and catch it.
One hunter is coming with a gun and dog. He is giving the gun to the man who was calling and saying:
- I'll climb up to the tree, bit the bear, it'll fall down, the dog will catch it from "one place"!
- And why had you gave this gun to me??
- In case if I fall down - shoot the dog.


Aparanian is looking to the mirror:
- Demn where I met this idiot? .....
After 15 minutes:
- Araaaaaaaaaaa, I met him in barber shop !!!


The guest is ringing to the door of Aparanian.
Whole family is coming out for the class-break...


One guy is going to the bus-station. One beautiful girl with green-eyes is waiting for the bus there. Guy is in shock:
- What a beautiful green eyes!!! Do you see everything in green?
- ...Of course Dear Cucumber !


Aparanians are travelling by plane. Suddenly the lights in plane are broken. Whole Aparanians together:
- URAAAAAAAAA, we are entering to the tunnel!


The child to the father:
- Daddy I want to eat...
- Shame on you!!! In your ages I wanted to become a soldier !!!


One is bitting to the head of Aparanian. Dust is comming out from ears.


The donkey of Aparanian had been lost. Aparnian:
- Thanks to God I wasn't on it...

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Arti



Joined: 09 Mar 2004
Posts: 134
Location: Switzerland

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

de mi hatel yes patmem.

uremn

Es Vardanike hore harcnuma: "Papa areve votqer uni?" Here asuma che bala jan. Vardanikn el asuma: "Ba inchi eyir gishere asum Arev voterd layn bac ara?"


hn voncer ?Very Happy
 
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Arti wrote:

hn voncer ?Very Happy


ara bayc du inch pchacats mard durs ekar Laughing

ANHARMAR QEZ Exclamation
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Gev



Joined: 09 Feb 2004
Posts: 248
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Arti Amota akhchiknere inch kasen???
 
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Andy



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 1371
Location: Zürich

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:14 am    Post subject: uhm, what's goin' on? Reply with quote Back to top

Shocked Shocked Shocked damn, look, what I've found:




It's from http://wrc.lingnet.org/armenia.htm

I haven't read the whole page, already, but I think it's a serious website, with interesting informations. Rolling Eyes
 
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Gev



Joined: 09 Feb 2004
Posts: 248
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Es inch er???

Ha hamel Hasmik vonces e????
KAk jizn' v zurixe???
 
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Gev



Joined: 09 Feb 2004
Posts: 248
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him
looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another man, and have him looking for work in four
weeks."

A Russian doctor says: "In my country medicine is so advanced, we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another man, and have
both of
Them looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way
behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately, millions began looking for work."
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 12:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

If whole China wouldn't have a lunch at least one time - Whole Armenia will be able to live 5 year more with exact meal.
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Gev



Joined: 09 Feb 2004
Posts: 248
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Idea NEW ETHERNET POWERED


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Gev



Joined: 09 Feb 2004
Posts: 248
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 9:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

NICE FIGURE Laughing Laughing Laughing

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Hasmik



Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 82
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Anekdots .

Father says to his son.
- You are mature enough now. I allow you to start smoking if you want to.
- Thanx dad, I've quit two years ago.
***********
A teacher in the class on the ancient history asked a student,
"Who was the first man on the earth?"
"Adam."
"And to what severe punishment had God subjected him?"
"Eve."


Two students, one from Oxford and the other one from Moscow University meet in a restroom. The English student washes his hands whereas the Russian walks straight out. The English student says:
- And we at Oxford are taught to wash our hands after visiting a lavatory!
- And we at Moscow State are taught not to piss on our hands in toilets!


An examination.
The professor:
"You are three, stop passing notes to each other!"
The student:
"These aren't notes. We are playing the preference."
"Ah! Sorry!"

How will the keypad for Windows 2000 change?"
"Left and right Reset will appear on it."


programmer meets girls:
"Do you want some tea?"
"No!"
"Coffee?"
"No!!"
"Vodka?"
"No!!!"
"Strange... Standard drivers have not been applied Sad"


May I talk to Rabinowich?
- Which one, junior or senior?
- Senior.
- They're both dead.



Smile Smile
 
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Hasmik



Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 82
Location: Bern

 PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Herb Cohen goes to Goldie's tailor shop to try on his new bespoke suit. But the arms are too long.
"No problems," says the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine!"
"But the collar's up arund my ears."
"Nothing, nothing. Just hunch your back up a litle. No, a little more.
Perfect." said the tailor.
"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" said Herb.
"Bend your knees a little to take up the slack. Look in the mirror ... the suit fits perfectly."
Twisted like a pretzel, Herb lurches out of he store and Rivka and Shoshana see him walk by.
"Look," says Rivka, "that poor man."
"Yes," says Shoshana, "but what a beautiful suit."


New York - Year 2032
A father and his son are walking the Manhattan streets when the father stops at a vacant lot takes a deep breath and tells his son: "To think that at one time here on this very lot stood the Twin Towers." The son looks at his father and asked: "Dad, what are the Twin Towers?" Father says: "My dear son, the Twin Towers were two tremendously tall buildings with lots of offices that was the heart of the United States, but approximately 31 years ago, several Arabs destroyed the buildings."
The boy then thought for a minute and then asked his father: "Dad, what are Arabs?"



An American has offered some caviar to Rabinowich.
-O, my goodness, said Rabinowich. How far are you dropped behind us! We ate this 50 years ago.


Sign on the wall of the American Army Green Beret headquarters:
"If you kill for joy, you are a sadist.
If you kill for money, you are a mercenary.
If you kill for both of the above, you are a Green Beret."


A foreign delegation in a south Russia kolkhoz:
- Do tomatoes grow in your soil?
- No.
- What about cucumbers?
- They don't grow either.
- Maybe you're not cultivating them properly?
- Cultivating? Well if we cultivate, they'll definitely grow.


Who likes music? - asks a commander.
- Two soldiers step forward.
- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.



A speaker says:
-Sometimes a wife leaves a man solely because he is drinking.
A question from the audience:
-And how much should I drink for that?


Nothing can make a better driver then a police car behind him.



Two Jewish women meet on the street, one of whom has her children with her. The other says,
-"Such beautiful children! How old are they?"
-"The doctor is seven and the lawyer is five."


Wink
 
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2004 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Then God created light and dark and firmament amidst the waters and dry land
On the next day God created vegetations and fish in the sea and animals on land
On the fifth day God created man after his likeness
On the sixth day God created Armenians
And on the seventh day hayere lriv hame hanetsin
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Hrant



Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 588
Location: Earth

 PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2004 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

What will happen if suddenly whole vodka disappear from Russia?

- There is nothing in nature that can just disappear. If it disappear from Russia, this means - somewhere it will appear. There where it appear will be Russia...
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